Act II: "Infiltration"					Return to Main
		ALAN:  What?  Ugg!!  I must be having a bad dream!   PETER JACKSON:  Alan, no!  It's not a dream!  We need you down on the set right away!  The Federation is in grave danger! ALAN:  Again?  Didn't we just save the galaxy from the Borg in the previous episode? PETER JACKSON:  Well... Yes...  But this is an even greater threat! ALAN:  Ahh, well, I'm not interested.  I've got better things to do today. PETER JACKSON:  Like what?   ALAN:  Sleep.  I'm calling in sick. PETER JACKSON:  Please!  I'll... I'll double your pay!
			ALAN:  So what is this threat?  Somebody is trying to conquer the Federation using three waffle irons, a Sumatran tapir, and five wooden toothpick carvings of Elvis circa 1977? PETER JACKSON:  No... ALAN:  Well, since I'm getting double pay, I don't give a rat's ass about this threat.   PETER JACKSON:  Alan, we sort of need you on the set.  Now.  The Federation is in great peril! ALAN:  I'm almost done with my coffee... PETER JACKSON:  Now!!!
			ALAN:  ...my neighbor's monkey is shitting on my lawn again, and now Mister Jackson thinks I'm going to save the Federation.  Again.  I'm telling you, Matthew, a man can only do so much.  I think I might retire after this episode.   MATTHEW:  Well, at least you have a lawn.  I have perished in every single one of these low-budget Lego Adventures!  I can barely afford to pay rent on that small cardboard box next to the police station! ALAN:  Hey, that reminds me, have you seen the script for Act V? MATTHEW:  No, why do you ask? ALAN: ... ... ... No reason.
			ALAN:  So, what is this dire threat to the Federation? ERIN:  Um... a small vessel has just dropped out of warp behind us.  They are flashing sirens. KENDALL: ??? ALAN:  Erin... I think you read the script for "Borg of the Rings" by mistake. ERIN:  Ahh, that's why nothing in this scene made sense.  So it looks like I don't have any idea what this dangerous new threat is, Alan.   KENDALL:  We're screwed. ALAN:  Probably.
			BATOR:  I am detecting some strange readings on deck two.  They might be worth checking out...
			ALAN:  Nah.  I don't really feel like chasing down any threats this episode.   Just ignore it.  In fact, I think I might go on break... MATTHEW:  Oh, an excellent idea!
			STINKY PETE:  Arrived, we have! NEFUARAK:  Man... this ship has ugly carpet. STINKY PETE:  Indeed.  Well, I hope you don't mind... I brought a tactical squad with me.  Nelson and Thor are some of Master Ganondorf's finest evil henchpersons. THOR:  Hehehehehehehe.... Guess what, Nefuarak?  I'm gonna have fun on December 18. NEFUARAK:  What? THOR:  I'm going to Cedar Point on December 18! NELSON:  What.... what... wha-wha-what-.....What time is it? NEFUARAK:  ...........Time for you to get a watch. NELSON:  ...Oh.
			THOR:  Hey, Pete!  Pete, you know him?  You know Master Ganondorf? PETE:  I work for him.  So do you. THOR:  Is he coming December 18?  To Cedar Point? NEFUARAK:  Nelson, come on.  We have to get to main engineering so that Stinky Pete can disable the warp core. NELSON:  But... but... I... I.... I... I haven't had my break yet. NEFUARAK:  What?  You haven't had your break? NELSON:  No.  I didn't go yet. NEFUARAK:  Why didn't you go BEFORE we left the Evil Lair?  Cripe.  Change in plans, guys... We're going to the mess hall!
		NEFUARAK:  Just act natural.  The crew will never suspect a thing. THOR:  Nefuarak, I don't want you talking to him no more.  I don't want you talking to Ray! NEFUARAK:  Who? THOR:  Ray Sacamano!  You know him? NEFUARAK: No... NELSON:  ...Anything... Anything... interesting in the paper? NEFUARAK:  Paper?  What paper?  I don't have a newspaper! NELSON: ...Oh... THOR:  You coming December 18?  You coming, Nefuarak, to Cedar Point? NEFUARAK:  ... I wish I had a weapon! THOR:  How come?
			ALAN:  Man, this pizza is pretty good.  Don't you think so expendable crewman with no name? CREWMAN:  ...... .... At least you're honest. ALAN:  I don't want you getting your hopes up.  Like it or not, I *AM* the star of the show.  It wouldn't be Star Trek: The Final Frontier without Alan Christopher at the helm!  The women just howl every time I take off my shirt.  Though, amazingly, that didn't actually happen until Season Five. CREWMAN:  That is almost interesting.
			BATOR:  Nobody move!  I have reason to believe there are intruders somewhere on Deck Two! NEFUARAK:  Oh, that is terrible! CHEF:  Get me a pancreas! THOR:  Hey!  Bator!  You coming December 18? NEFUARAK:  Shut up! BATOR:  Who are you? THOR:  I'm Thor!  I'm gonna have fun on December 18!  Cedar Point!!!  Do you like rides, Bator? BATOR:  What?  I don't have time for this...
			ALAN:  Bator, I told you not to go looking for trouble!  Now you're interrupting everyone's dinner! BATOR:  I am sorry, Captain, but it needs to be done.  The Federation is allegedly in grave danger! ALAN:  For the billionth time. BATOR:  Sir, have you seen anyone suspicious recently? THOR:  I talked to Ray Sacamano!  You know him?  You know Ray? BATOR:  No... is he a threat? THOR:  Him?  Hehehehe.  I don't know. BATOR:  He must be on the ship somewhere...
			NEFUARAK:  That's it.  We're leaving! ALAN:  I don't blame you, man!  I just want to take my break in peace and quiet! NELSON:  But... but.... but... I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I still have five more minutes! NEFUARAK:  Tough.  We need to get going.  We have to meet up with Stinky Pete and get to main engineering! NELSON:  So, Nefuarak, do you have a girlfriend yet? NEFUARAK:  WHAT????  No!  Now get your ass out of that chair right NOW!
				Act III:  Main Engineering

ALAN CHRISTOPHER'S SHAG PAD