Act II: "Infiltration" |
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ALAN: What? Ugg!! I must be having a bad dream! PETER JACKSON: Alan, no! It's not a dream! We need you down on the set right away! The Federation is in grave danger! ALAN: Again? Didn't we just save the galaxy from the Borg in the previous episode? PETER JACKSON: Well... Yes... But this is an even greater threat! ALAN: Ahh, well, I'm not interested. I've got better things to do today. PETER JACKSON: Like what? ALAN: Sleep. I'm calling in sick. PETER JACKSON: Please! I'll... I'll double your pay! |
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ALAN: So what is this threat? Somebody is trying to conquer the Federation using three waffle irons, a Sumatran tapir, and five wooden toothpick carvings of Elvis circa 1977? PETER JACKSON: No... ALAN: Well, since I'm getting double pay, I don't give a rat's ass about this threat. PETER JACKSON: Alan, we sort of need you on the set. Now. The Federation is in great peril! ALAN: I'm almost done with my coffee... PETER JACKSON: Now!!! |
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ALAN: ...my neighbor's monkey is shitting on my lawn again, and now Mister Jackson thinks I'm going to save the Federation. Again. I'm telling you, Matthew, a man can only do so much. I think I might retire after this episode. MATTHEW: Well, at least you have a lawn. I have perished in every single one of these low-budget Lego Adventures! I can barely afford to pay rent on that small cardboard box next to the police station! ALAN: Hey, that reminds me, have you seen the script for Act V? MATTHEW: No, why do you ask? ALAN: ... ... ... No reason. |
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ALAN: So, what is this dire threat to the Federation? ERIN: Um... a small vessel has just dropped out of warp behind us. They are flashing sirens. KENDALL: ??? ALAN: Erin... I think you read the script for "Borg of the Rings" by mistake. ERIN: Ahh, that's why nothing in this scene made sense. So it looks like I don't have any idea what this dangerous new threat is, Alan. KENDALL: We're screwed. ALAN: Probably. |
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BATOR: I am detecting some strange readings on deck two. They might be worth checking out... |
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ALAN: Nah. I don't really feel like chasing down any threats this episode. Just ignore it. In fact, I think I might go on break... MATTHEW: Oh, an excellent idea! |
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STINKY PETE: Arrived, we have! NEFUARAK: Man... this ship has ugly carpet. STINKY PETE: Indeed. Well, I hope you don't mind... I brought a tactical squad with me. Nelson and Thor are some of Master Ganondorf's finest evil henchpersons. THOR: Hehehehehehehe.... Guess what, Nefuarak? I'm gonna have fun on December 18. NEFUARAK: What? THOR: I'm going to Cedar Point on December 18! NELSON: What.... what... wha-wha-what-.....What time is it? NEFUARAK: ...........Time for you to get a watch. NELSON: ...Oh. |
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THOR: Hey, Pete! Pete, you know him? You know Master Ganondorf? PETE: I work for him. So do you. THOR: Is he coming December 18? To Cedar Point? NEFUARAK: Nelson, come on. We have to get to main engineering so that Stinky Pete can disable the warp core. NELSON: But... but... I... I.... I... I haven't had my break yet. NEFUARAK: What? You haven't had your break? NELSON: No. I didn't go yet. NEFUARAK: Why didn't you go BEFORE we left the Evil Lair? Cripe. Change in plans, guys... We're going to the mess hall! |
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NEFUARAK: Just act natural. The crew will never suspect a thing. THOR: Nefuarak, I don't want you talking to him no more. I don't want you talking to Ray! NEFUARAK: Who? THOR: Ray Sacamano! You know him? NEFUARAK: No... NELSON: ...Anything... Anything... interesting in the paper? NEFUARAK: Paper? What paper? I don't have a newspaper! NELSON: ...Oh... THOR: You coming December 18? You coming, Nefuarak, to Cedar Point? NEFUARAK: ... I wish I had a weapon! THOR: How come? |
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ALAN: Man, this pizza is pretty good. Don't you think so expendable crewman with no name? CREWMAN: ...... .... At least you're honest. ALAN: I don't want you getting your hopes up. Like it or not, I *AM* the star of the show. It wouldn't be Star Trek: The Final Frontier without Alan Christopher at the helm! The women just howl every time I take off my shirt. Though, amazingly, that didn't actually happen until Season Five. CREWMAN: That is almost interesting. |
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BATOR: Nobody move! I have reason to believe there are intruders somewhere on Deck Two! NEFUARAK: Oh, that is terrible! CHEF: Get me a pancreas! THOR: Hey! Bator! You coming December 18? NEFUARAK: Shut up! BATOR: Who are you? THOR: I'm Thor! I'm gonna have fun on December 18! Cedar Point!!! Do you like rides, Bator? BATOR: What? I don't have time for this... |
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ALAN: Bator, I told you not to go looking for trouble! Now you're interrupting everyone's dinner! BATOR: I am sorry, Captain, but it needs to be done. The Federation is allegedly in grave danger! ALAN: For the billionth time. BATOR: Sir, have you seen anyone suspicious recently? THOR: I talked to Ray Sacamano! You know him? You know Ray? BATOR: No... is he a threat? THOR: Him? Hehehehe. I don't know. BATOR: He must be on the ship somewhere... |
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NEFUARAK: That's it. We're leaving! ALAN: I don't blame you, man! I just want to take my break in peace and quiet! NELSON: But... but.... but... I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I still have five more minutes! NEFUARAK: Tough. We need to get going. We have to meet up with Stinky Pete and get to main engineering! NELSON: So, Nefuarak, do you have a girlfriend yet? NEFUARAK: WHAT???? No! Now get your ass out of that chair right NOW! |
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Act III: Main Engineering |
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