Located on "Floor One," the bridge was the nerve
center of the Mooncress. Instead of a viewscreen,
it was equipped with an outdoor screen. And yes,
there was also the bed. Since I was 12 at the
time, it sadly did not get used in the manner
mentioned earlier in this guide.
The communications screen was a small black and
white TV that could display static and the Home
Shopping Network. The mood setter was a cheap
radio that gave our missions a distinct flair that no
other Star Trek series has had... yes, our missions
were set to polka music. It's not that we LIKED
polka music, but so junky was that radio, it could
only pick up one station, and that happened to be
The rest of the workstations were little more
than desks and TV trays that were littered with
beautifully crafted cardboard consoles.
Oh, and the Ready Room. It looked more like
Swami's Fortune Hut. I had a crystal ball in there,
with sheets hanging from the ceiling... Yeah.
The upstairs and backyard. The Mooncress was
likely the only starship to ever have more
botanical gardens than crew quarters.
The Jakarta Transporter automatically transported
you to the jungle world of Jakarta (the field
behind the house).
Don't get injured on Floor 2, because Sickbay II is
actually inside an old shed. And the Bridge II was
a swingset (the one with the transporter console
in three different places).
By-the-way, the term "waste extraction" hadn't
been invented yet, so... The Mooncress had the
equally futuristic "outhouse."
This is a later version of the bridge. I think it was the Starcress,
but I can't be certain. Whatever the case, the ship was probably
destroyed shortly after this picture was taken, so it doesn't
By this time, I was more familiar with the Star Trek universe.
The bed was removed from the bridge, and tactical finally made
its way from sickbay.
Amongst the tidbits featured on the consoles:
The Borg Ray •
Rotary Missiles •
Cutting Beam •
Dryad Flux •
Internal Phaser Beams •
Protonic Shield Bursts •
Ion Canons •
Intrexima Siamicra Particle Snatcher •
I recently unearthed some ancient relics from the Starlight.
Both of these tricorders were very popular among the crew,
especially the one on the right. Apparently my Sister and her
friends thought that Super Mario Land was more fun than playing
Star Trek. They were dorks, though.
The Game Genie was my preferred tricorder. It also functioned
as a phaser, hyperspanner, brain washer, and was occasionally
known to miraculously lend aid to my Sister as she battled her
way through Level Seven. If she got that far. I don't really
think she got past Level One...
The Mooncress was also the only ship that featured phasers with
electric cords. It certainly would have made chase-sequences
interesting, had we ever done them. "Halt, fiend! Don't take
another step until the Captain brings the extension cord!"
We also decorated pieces of wood, and used THOSE as
tricorders. This is the last surviving tricorder, "General Padd
#3." Not quite up to Starfleet standards, but it worked well
These were both medical tools. I was never the Doctor, so I'm
not sure WHAT they were used for, but I'm fairly certain the
curling iron was a dermal regenerator.
The mouse on the right did everything from self-destruct the
ship, to remove my brain.
And finally, we have the personal computer stations. And
dinner in the background. Well, a part of dinner. I think I might
go with the Rice-a-Roni. I'm not really feeling like a pasta side
|The Continuing Mission
|Is it the most hideous ship of all time?
That's for you to decide. But the fact cannot
be denied... it's not pretty.
Not only was I NOT a Trekker, it's obvious that I
was also not an artist. Thankfully, this
incarnation of the Mooncress was destroyed on
June 11, 1993 during a Romulan attack. A long
line of starships would follow, ultimately ending
with the Starlight.
The Mooncress was promptly replaced by the
Mooncress-A... which was destroyed on July 8
(by renegade snakes, of all things). After that,
came the USS Rachos Exos Nothabranchius 2. The
"REN2" lived quite a life, lasting all the way until
January 1994, when the Cardassians attacked. The
Starcress came to life shortly thereafter. It met
its death on at least 6 occasions, and would
eventually become the Stardust, which would
ultimately turn into the Starlight.
Like no other starship in the fleet, the bridge was
located on the BOTTOM deck (which, I called a
"floor"). This was actually the basement of my
parents' house; every mission was acted out here
before being written. As you might have
gathered, the ship was destroyed in almost every
It's quite obvious that, while I had seen a few
episodes of Trek at this point, I was still rather
unfamiliar with the floor plans.
The transporter, by the way, magically took you